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View Profile DejitaruDavis

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I didn't laugh.

I didn't laugh at all. I normally try my best to be constructive with criticism...but...but I just don't think I can on this one.

1. Hashshashin is believed to come from the word Arabic phrase for "Hashish User". Hashish is where the word hashish comes from. It's not -hilarious- to make a word into a drug reference when it already -was- a drug reference.
2. Opening with a note that tells me you want to steal egoraptor's naming scheme seems low and dirty to me. Your style isn't similar. It looks like you just want to use his popularity.

Sound quality seemed to vary, with some parts being worse than others. The acting quality was mixed -- actually, those two are probably linked by microphone quality.

Animation was rather static with a lot of cheap tween use. Some people can pull it off tastefully -- sometimes a poorly animated movie can pull through with hilarious writing or good story telling.

The biggets problem with the humor was the timing. The only part I felt had merit was the "....He did it." sequence -- but I barely made it that far, and had groaned through the previous jokes. Most of your other jokes had slow execution or just went on too long. If you could adjust it, they would've had more impact.

It's obvious you're a Family Guy fan with some of your joke stylings...especially in the use of the falling gag (see any time Family Guy draws a joke out to make it funny...like Peter falling and hurting his leg.) You could go on to do some really funny stuff...it just needs some work.

TheMillz responds:

I love Family Guy :O

Davis XD @DejitaruDavis

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Joined on 4/27/07

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